Live a Little: Hoist Your Colors
by grapesandcabbage
Summary: Sushmita, a vegetarian Indian-American, ends up in PotC. Ugly character names and a lot of failure - I guarantee it.
1. Not In McDonald's Anymore

Disclaimer: I don't own PotC, Disney does. Also, FunnyJokeSurveys is not a real website.

She didn't know. She didn't know if it was the right thing to do, scratching the coin on her cup to reveal her grand prize, or lack of it. Part of it wasn't even uncertainty. Part of her just wanted to preserve that beautiful outer layer, not willing to see it flake off and become ash-like bits of nothing.

She remembered her friends' words, "Live a little, Sushmita!" With a set goal in sight, she began to rub with the coin. She **would** try these sweepstakes, and hopefully, she would win a Big Mac like they had promised in the commercials. She wondered if they would make it a veggie burger just for her.

The plastic (she assumed it was plastic) fell away, revealing black letters. She hadn't rubbed enough of it to be able to read it.

All went black. Ping. A single light bulb lit up. The chain below it shook as if it had been pulled, but no one was beneath it. Then something crackled, and several feet away Sushmita could see the words "Karaoke Fun Town Tonight" in neon lights, contained in a neon speech bubble.

Sushmita began to shiver. What kind of stunt was McDonald's pulling? Then again, Sushmita was smart enough to figure out that she wasn't in McDonald's anymore. Had she been abducted? _What to do when you are abducted:_, she thought, remembering that one episode of Oprah she had secretly watched. _1. Run. 2. Punch abductor's precious family heirloom. As they clutch their noses, run. 3. Knee in groin. _

She ran through the steps over and over again. During this time, a man had stealthily appeared from a shadowy corner.

"Hello," he said cheerily. Sushmita yelped, jumping out of her chair.

"How do you know my name!?" she yelled, pointing her finger at him, then retracting it, realizing he could chop it off.

The man paused, confused. "I don't…know your name. What is your name?"

"I'm not telling you."

The man sighed, "I'm not here to abduct you…nor have I already," and then he muttered to himself, "I hate my job."

"Then quit," Sushmita offered.

"I can't," he replied, "I've got twenty-five children to feed, not to mention a cat and a newt." He snapped his fingers, and a podium appeared. He snapped it again, and above him a kitchen light was created. Sushmita looked up, resentful of the meager lightbulb above her head.

"Ooh. How did you do that?"

"I snapped my fingers," the man answered casually. When he saw Sushmita raise her hand and bring her fingers together, he hastily added, "No no, please don't."

She snapped, and a pound of liver appeared in the room. "Oh, I don't really know how to snap my fingers," she said. She tried again, and a half a dog appeared. A second later his other legs joined him two feet away.

The man ran from his podium and restrained her hands. "Please. Don't." He ran back, cleared his throat, and looked down at his podium. "I need your name, please."

_Live a little,_ Sushmita's friends echoed in her head. _Live a little._ "Sushmita," she answered.

"Middle name…"

She hesitated. "…Elbert?"

"Interesting choice. Well, Sushmita E." here he wiggled his eyebrows at her, "You are a lucky gal. Your friends placed on an Internet survey that you needed to well, live a little."

"They asked you to abduct me? If I ever see them again I'm going to-"

"Well they didn't know we act upon all surveys, and we can't blame them, seeing as our website is called FunnyJokeSurveys. All the good domain names were taken. All I need you to do is to sing 'Tomorrow' and then walk out the door."

_I'm not going to sing. I'm not going to sing. I'd rather die than sing…I'm going to kill Magdalena. _"No, I'm not singing," she said firmly, with conviction.

The man sighed. "It's always like this in the beginning. Why can't you make it easier?...Have it your way," he said, promptly bursting into song, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow, you're always a day away."

The lightbulb shattered and a door opened. There seemed to be a "Toy Story" sky out there, perfectly blue, perfectly fluffed clouds in exact distance from each other. Scared, Sushmita walked towards it and stepped through the doorway.


	2. Port Royal Witch Trials

Disclaimer: PotC is not mine. It's Disney's. George and Sushmita are mine, but even the old man is not mine. He's in the deleted scenes, but maybe a little different from the way he is here.

Thank you for all the reviews! They made me really hyper…

I promise Jack Sparrow is in the next chapter. What PotC fanfiction would this be without him? Not awesome, that's for sure. It would probably be a sappy Willabeth oneshot. There are plenty of those…especially after AWE.

Whomp. The ground rushed up to meet her, and Sushmita wobbled upon impact.

"How voluptuous!" Sushmita turned. A little boy stood with his hand out. "Shake?" he offered. Sushmita slowly complied and he shook her warmly by the hand with his grubby fingers. "Name George," he smiled widely. The windows in the vicinity slammed shut, leaving the village idiot and the stranger alone.

"Sushmita."

"Hello Sushmita!" the boy exclaimed, waving at her as if from a distance.

"Um…hi…umm, I have to go so…" she left George waving after her, a huge grin on his face. _Where the heck am I?_ She wandered her way out of the shunful neighborhood to where people actually walked in the streets.

She approached an old man lying on the ground, eating…something, but mostly dribbling it out of his mouth. "Excuse me…excuse me…do you know what city this is?"

"Nyum nyum nyum," the old man continued to chew, sounding a lot like Cookie Monster…whom Sushmita was terrified of. She ran away and bumped into a portly man and his portly wife. Well actually, the wife was pregnant and short.

"Excuse me, but where am I?" Sushmita asked, but the man had looked her up and down, seen her Indian skin , jeans and babydoll shirt (a style Sushmita loved), and a look of terror had spread through his eyes.

"WIIIIIITTTCHH!!" He screamed. His wife ran away screaming. She would later have a miscarriage from the shock, and everyone would be sad and vow to kill the witch that cast a spell over the babe.

The people of Port Royal froze. Signs creaked ominously overhead. The clouds rumbled at a convenient time and turned the whole scene gray and drabby. Sushmita didn't know what to do, and she was too scared to run. Slowly, the people converged her around her, their feet stomping in synchronized uniformity. Sushmita didn't know whether she was in a bad musical or platform aerobics class. What was once the comforting sound of twenty-three girls performing the T-step on platforms…it was scary.

Three men seized her by the arm, pulling her with them towards the fort. The others set off gathering wood for the stake she would burn on. This would be even better than any pirate hanging.


	3. Tea With Norrington, Among Other Things

Disclaimer: I do not own PotC, Disney does. I hope I didn't mangle their characters.

Captain Jack Sparrow flailed his way across a bridge, catching bullets and throwing them behind him as he ran. He took advantage of a large crowd in the streets to escape, blending in with them. They seemed to be mobbing something.

As he slipped through, he saw a dark-skinned girl being dragged away by three men. Anamaria? No, it couldn't be, the girl was slightly larger, and she was wearing such strange apparel. Of course, Jack wasn't one to say.

He didn't have time to say either. Behind him was the British army, bayonets held straight up, running in that funny way. Sometimes Jack imagined – if one soldier grew tired and lowered his bayonet, and dropped his head just so…there would be another customer for the eye patch makers.

Jack kept moving through the crowd, even quicker now that the redcoats had begun herding the mob away. They took the girl into their own hands, told the crowd to go gather some wood for her stake, and continued their search for Jack Sparrow.

Sushmita was taken to James Norrington. In that instant, she realized where she was. She gasped, and the soldier beside her reprimanded, "Silence, witch!" She shut up, not wanting to hasten her death. "Sir," the soldier continued, "We found the source of the mob. It's this native girl. They want to burn her at the stake."

"I don't eat steak," Sushmita interrupted, "And I'm not a native, I'm Indian-"

"What did I say, witch!?"

Quietly, Sushmita finished her sentence, "I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat meat…"

Norrington walked closer, "You don't eat meat. Gillette, fetch some irons…no, there's no time for irons. I don't think she'll run anyway." Gillette – as in the razors? "Well go on, go find Sparrow!"

"Yes sir!" Gillette and his men were off. Meanwhile, Norrington and Sushmita sat in a little veranda waiting for news. After several minutes, Sushmita grew bored.

"What do you do in your spare time, Mr. Norrington?"

"Commodore. I was promoted this morning," James smirked to himself as he sipped a cup of tea, "I doubt I will have time to spare now…" Remembering they were not alone, he added angrily, "There is never time to waste in the riddance of piracy."

"Commodore!" a young soldier ran up to the veranda, "They've found Sparrow, sir! He's just at the Blacksmith's." Norrington jumped up and motioned for all to follow him.

"And the girl, sir?"

"Take her with you."

The doors burst open and hung there, creaking after the last redcoat had filed through. Norrington, at the head, looked disdainfully down at the lax body on the floor, "Excellent work, Mr. Brown. You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

Mr. Brown held up his shattered rum bottle, "Just doing my civic duty sir," he rasped. Even though he had not been in the swordfight, his face was just as orange as Will's standing next to him.

The blacksmith's apprentice disliked Mr. Brown, to be sure, but kept quiet in the way that he had been taught all his life. His life, in his mind, began the day he had met Elizabeth Swann, the governor's daughter. Although on outward appearance he always called her Miss Swann, he thought of her secretly as his Elizabeth. Will did not think that he would ever love another as much as he loved her. And so he pined over her, taking all his affection out on the many swords and horseshoes he made. Occasionally, he would pat the donkey on the head. The donkey had no name, as neither Will nor Mr. Brown had much of an imagination. They were like pirates in that manner.

Norrington nodded. "Take him away." Two soldiers stepped forth, eager to please the new Commodore, and lifted Jack Sparrow away.

"What about the girl sir? Should we take her to the fort as well?"

Like the red sea and two same-poled magnets, the soldiers parted and Will spotted a young dark girl wearing the strangest attire. She hardly looked like a woman, especially with those rough trousers she wore.

Norrington thought about it, "Lock her away for now. Separate from Sparrow; I may wish to question her later."

"The people will certainly be happy sir. A burning and a hanging. Delightful. We might as well make it a double feature."

When they marched Sushmita into the jail, they also gave her some gruel. Hungry, Sushmita poked her finger into it, sloshing it about. Normally she could smell meat, but what with several prisoners having died in their cells, she couldn't tell what it was she was smelling anymore.

"Excuse me…" she asked Jack Sparrow, who was sleeping with his hat over his head. "Jack Sparrow?"

"Captain," he mumbled angrily, "What?"

"Um, I was wondering if there was meat in this."

"Meat in what?" He sat up, and saw the gruel, "You wouldn't want to know the ingredients of that."

"I have to, I can't eat meat."

Jack looked her, stunned that anyone would turn down meat. It was the heart and soul of his life, other than rum, the sea, and the Pearl.

"You could not eat it, but-"

"I would starve…"

"Yup."

There was silence. From above, Sushmita could hear the muffled voices of Commodore Norrington and Governor Swann.

"Has my…daughter given you an answer yet?" Their voices slipped in and out of hearing range. Suddenly, there was cannon fire right outside the walls.

"Cannon fire! Return fire!" Norrington yelled. Soldiers scrambled to get to the top of the fort and return the attack.

Jack jumped up, full of life again, and peered through the window high up in the wall. "It's the Pearl," he said, love for his ship almost dripping off every word.

"The Black Pearl?" Another pirate in the cell over asked, afraid, "I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors," he added in an attempt at an ominous tone.

"No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?" _You're looking at him, _Jack smirked, knowing exactly where they came from.

A cannonball broke a hole in the jail. Unfortunately, it wasn't anywhere near Sushmita's cell. She sighed, dejected. Jack wandered over to the hole in his cell just as dejectedly, for it was hardly big enough for him to climb through. The pirates in the cell over however, tittered excitedly and escaped while they could. "My sympathies friend, you've no manner of luck at all."

Feeling that way, Jack and Sushmita sat silently in their cells, their only hope being that the chaos caused tonight would delay their deaths by another day. Jack however, was not one to give up so quickly on matters so small. He stared at the mutton bone the pirates had been waving around earlier, and an idea came to mind. Grabbing it, he waved the bone around, "Come on doggy, it's just you and me now, it's you and ol' Jack."

Sushmita coughed. Jack looked at her, then corrected his sentence. "It's you and ol' Jack and…?"

"Sushmita."

"and Sush…mita. Come on. Come on, good boy." The dog moved closer. "That's a good boy, come on! Bit closer, bit closer. That's it, that's it doggy." Sushmita couldn't contain her laughter. She snorted and Jack glared at her, "Come on, you filthy, slimy, mangy cur," he growled, sounding much tougher.

There was a crash and the dog ran off. "No no, I didn't mean it! I didn't –" A prison guard fell down the stairs, followed by two ugly pirates.

"This ain't the armory!" The white one said, annoyed.

By then, the taller, black pirate with dreadlocks had seen Jack Sparrow. "Well, well, well. Look what we 'ave here, Twigg. Captain Jack Sparrow." Twigg turned around, Jack's name being of extreme interest to him.

"Last time I saw you, you were all alone, shrinking into the distance."

The black pirate spotted Sushmita, and approached her, "And look, Twigg. Look what a little prize the navy's kept for us." Sushmita backed up into the farthest corner. "Where are the keys?"

Jack piped up, "The dog. The dog has the keys." Sushmita stared at him in horror. He was telling the pirates how to reach her?

The black pirate smirked at Jack. He grunted at Twigg to get the dog. Twigg grabbed the dog and took the keys out of its mouth. Only, the dog wouldn't let go. Twigg pulled and pulled, but the dog held on. Sushmita held her breath, hoping that the pirate would give up.


	4. Down the Neverending Hole

Disclaimer: I do not own PotC. It's Disney's. I apologize for the ugly names of my characters. Their ugliness is for my own amusement.

Thanks for the reviews! And keep them coming…  
I have discovered the horizontal line. Took me a while...

* * *

Twigg spotted the mutton bone in Jack's hand. "Gimme that," he growled, grabbing it and stalking back to where Koehler continued to struggle with the dog. Twigg raised the bone and struck the dog in the back of its head. Its jaws went slack, and Koehler took the keys, dropping the limp body on the floor.

Sushmita watched in horror. "But you cheated!" she cried.

"Pirates!" Jack piped up happily. Everything, every last little thing, was going according to plan.

Her last defense had fallen. Now Sushmita would have to fight for herself. Twigg giggled as he opened the creaky door. Outside, the chaos continued. They would have time to do whatever horrible deed they had planned.

Sushmita looked around. No platform, but it would have to do. "Five, six, seven, eight, and one…" She began with the T-step. The pirates stopped, momentarily stunned. Slowly, they started to laugh, rushing towards her.

Suddenly, everything froze. The lights in the jail dimmed down even more, if that was possible. A very familiar podium appeared, then a single light bulb dangling from nowhere. The man had returned as well, dressed in jungle-exploring attire and great yellow galoshes. "Sorry, just some insurance business we forgot," he shrugged apologetically. "I had a lot on my mind this morning. Baby Noreen's got the mumps."

Sushmita stared at the fat stack of papers on the podium. "I have to sign all of those?"

He looked down at them, "Oh, no. No, no, goodness. No. If you did your hand would cramp up so much you couldn't fight these pirates!" He gestured behind, whacking Twigg in the face. There was the crack of cartilage. "Oops, sorry," the man said, turning around and attempting to fix it. Sushmita waited patiently.

"You're not going to help me? They could be about to rape me, for all I know."

"Yes, well, your friends clarified in their survey that you were to have, what was it, 'no help whatsoever'. They also checked off that they were 'under the influence of cherry tarts'. But that was just the survey writers amusing themselves. Please, just sign. Then I won't have to make a second trip. Actually, it's policy that I cannot leave until you sign this." Sushmita looked dubious, so he began a new angle. "Please. If you don't sign this and you die, I get fired. And if I get fired, baby number 25 dies of the mumps." He widened his eyes, hoping they were glistening, but in fact he looked like a species of tree lemur whose exhibit Sushmita avoided at the zoo.

Sushmita moved to read the papers. She reached out to flip a page, but with stealthy agility the man caught her hand in the air. "I'll flip, you read." He said solemnly, and began to do so, checking his watch every 6 pages.

At the 46th page, Sushmita stopped him abruptly. "Wait! Charged by angry hippos? Is there a possibility that I could be charged by angry hippos?" Her voice grew shrill.

"Not if you don't make them angry," he answered.

Sushmita sighed, refusing to read anymore. "Can't I fast-forward or something? To a happier time?"

"Sorry, 'no help whatsoever'."

Sushmita moaned in desperation. _Live a little_, her friends chanted in her head. As if knowing what was going on, the man smiled, pushing the last piece of paper at Sushmita. "What could it hurt?" Sighing, she took the pen that had magically appeared from the man's hand.

_In a little suburb of Toronto, Canada: _

_A boy of ten sits at his desk, doing his homework._

"_Geoffrey!"_

"_What?"_

"_Do your homework!" Thus, Geoffrey returns to his assignment, but his pen has gone missing. He frantically searches through stacks of paper, flipping through his books, ducking under his desk. _

The only sound in the jail was the scratching of pen against paper. "Thank you!" the man snapped his finger, and he, along with everything else he had brought, disappeared.

_Geoffrey smiled, holding up his pen. It had been under his math book the whole time._

Remembering the liver incident, Sushmita realized that she too could perform magical happenings with a snap of her fingers. She snapped them, but her fingers merely slipped past each other.

Magdalena awoke. God, that dream had been vivid. Chocolate cake, frozen cream puffs, a gallon of ice cream just for her, the squirrel had said. What had been his name? She tried to remember, but the more she thought about how she was trying to remember it, the more she forgot. Magdalena lay in her bed feeling her dream slip away. There was the creeping black in its place. It was futile to struggle against it, which would only speed up the process. As she slipped back to sleep, Magdalena heard loud drilling, and attributed it to her noisy neighbors listening to Armenian music at midnight.

Sushmita stepped back into a carcass. But she didn't stop there, falling into a dark, black, hole. A motor started, and the world of Pirates of the Caribbean was back in action.

The pirates looked around for Sushmita, grunting that they could not find her. From the hole, Sushmita remained silent, not wanting to be found. Finally, Twigg and Koehler left, but not before threatening Jack for fun. It was enough, however, for Jack Sparrow to see that the curse was real.

Ping. A light bulb that was not her own went off in Magdalena's room. She awoke again, groggy and slightly exasperated.

"Hello."

Magdalena's eyes burned, but she strained to identify the intruder. His voice grated on her nerves. "Who are you?" she croaked. "Get out of my room."

"Ah, I can't do that, sorry." He snapped his fingers, and a whiteboard appeared, complex diagrams helpfully included. "If you remember a while back, you may remember a certain day at your friend Fay's house…" He snapped again, and an old junky television landed in Magdalena's lap. She shrunk back, visions of "Nightmare on Elm Street" crawling through her head. She decided against going back to sleep.

What she saw next had the nature of a PBS documentary. There she was, with Fay, Ismene, Georgina, and Juanita, but it wasn't quite them. For one, Fay's nose was too large, something Magdalena noticed immediately.

"Hey, this isn't me. Why am I white?"

The stranger coughed. "Caucasian, would be the correct term. Unfortunately, the Asian actors were all participating in a Chinese nature documentary, and it is technically illegal to recruit characters from fandoms to be actors for 'recap videos', although we do have that power.

"Is that why Juanita is Mexican?"

"…Is she not a Mexican?"

"No. She's Chinese. Her parents…they never fully grasped the English language."

"Well, it's too late for that now, they wrapped up production months ago."

Magdalena set her grievances aside and watched a "Caucasian" version of herself stare into the camera. "What is this?"

"Listen."

"_Under the influence of cherry tarts? What the heck does that mean?"_

"_I think whoever made this survey must have been really bored or something." _The stranger coughed uncomfortably.

"_Check yes!" _Magdalena saw herself say.

"Why? We're not under the influence of cherry tart…"

"_Check yes!…get it? Check yes? Heck yes?…"_

The stranger checked his watch, and the TV turned off. "That was just starting to get interesting." Magdalena muttered.

"You may scream if you wish." He said simply.

"Why would I do that…?"

"Out of shock that a man is in your room, out of shock that we have knowledge of your past, just…out of shock."

"Wouldn't the neighbors hear?"

"No, we have taken the time to install soundproof walls in your room. No one can hear you scream."

"Did you just reference…?"

"Did I? I didn't notice. Your friend Sushmita has been sent to the world of Pirates of the Caribbean. She is currently in the jail scene, which I am sure you recognize."

Magdalena grinned. She looked around her room. "Am I in some weird fanfiction or something? The ones where fangirls go into PotC?"

"…No."

Having been fed up with her, the stranger snapped his fingers hard, thus breaking them and rendering himself useless for his job. His wife consequently divorced him and they both became homeless. You may have seen them in Santa Monica. Bart and Marie currently occupy opposite ends of a bench by the beach, never speaking to one another.

Off Magdalena went to join her friend Sushmita. Unfortunately, the stranger had not finished briefing Magdalena on why she was going into "Pirates of the Caribbean".

Somewhere in a high-rise building, a bearded executive sat in his chair sobbing for his recently deceased mother. In a fit of compassion, he had broken a rule, and had allowed help for Sushmita. He would come to view this as the point when all the crazy stuff began to happen, and would become a cold man. In the last years of his life, he took a job as Santa Claus at the mall because of the warm jackets he got to wear.

Seeing no hope of ever escaping, Jack Sparrow began to whittle a bone down so that he could pick at the lock with it. He sat back, expecting it to take a while. Hearing a noise coming from Sushmita's cell, he got up to take a look, but he could see nothing.

Magdalena appeared in the hole beside Sushmita. Her fingers gripped the top of the hole, unlike those of her Indian friend. "Magdalena? What are you doing here? Oh, did you fill out that stupid survey for yourself as well?"

"No, Fay's Internet died right after we finished yours. Lucky, right?"

Although Jack could see nothing, he could certainly hear this strange conversation.

"Gah, why did you guys do that to me? What did I ever do to you?"

Magdalena ignored Sushmita's whines and got to the point. "Why are we in this hole?"

"I fell through a soft carcass." Jack winced. That was not a good experience.

In front of them, in the darkness, psychedelic colors flashed and swirled. The beautiful display blew Sushmita away. As she flew farther into the darkness, she heard Magdalena yell, "Where are you going?"

Soon enough, Sushmita stalled, floating softly downwards. She realized that this all seemed a bit too much like "Alice in Wonderland".

Magdalena took one last despairing look down, then decided that it was best not to dwell on the strange demise of her friend. She pulled her way out of the hole, grabbing various squishy bits of carcass on the way. When she had climbed out, Magdalena proceeded to pick sinew out of her fingernails.

"Oy."

"Yes?"

"Are you going to help me out of this cell?"

Thinking quickly, Magdalena replied, "Only if you don't leave me behind."

"Do we have an accord, then?"

"We have an accord." They shook hands. She picked the keys up off the floor where the pirates had dropped them and turned the key in the lock. Jack Sparrow was free.


	5. In Which We Confirm Will's Stupidity

Disclaimer: I don't own PotC or Enchanted (yes the world Sushmita falls into is "Enchanted"), Disney does.

Sorry for the long delay, school got to me and I'm intending on covering all three PotC movies so I'm trying to maximize each chapter so there aren't a gazillion chapters.

And don't worry, Sushmita will return to PotC very soon.

* * *

Sushmita landed in a patch of assorted flowers with a diameter only a foot larger than her bottom for maximized landing comfort. The flowers spoke, their voices muffled from being under Sushmita's ass.

Sushmita screamed, pulling the donkey away from the flowers. She screamed again, realizing that she now only had two dimensions to her name, and that her skin was a delightful one-tone pastel brown.

"Good morning Sushmita. What a lovely day it is now that you're here!" the flowers greeted her with much cheer. The donkey ambled over and ate some of the flowers.

"Where am I?" she gasped, clapping her hand to her mouth. "I sound so…so..."

"Beautiful!" the flowers piped in.

"Even more beautiful with red wine smothered across your face," the donkey said, passionately. Hastily, he added, "to simulate blood, of course."

"You're beautiful Sushmita," the beavers had wandered out of their dam to gaze upon the new visitor to their land.

An instrumental began. The flowers and woodland animals all gazed at Sushmita expectantly. She didn't fail to disappoint.

"What."

The animals ran away, confused about the strange girl who didn't know her song cues. The flowers withered and died. The donkey ate some more of them, noting that they tasted much better when alive.

Saddened, Sushmita sat down on a log and began a soliloquy. A couple of tears slid down her cheeks, but she stealthily concealed them by yawning. "Oh, I don't know where I am! I just…landed here and I don't know what to do!"

The horse galloped toward the little glen, its flanks rippling gloriously, the rider on its back a fair and fearless prince with long blond hair flowing behind him like a stream of white fire and white chocolate and milk and string cheese. He shook his head and his glorious mane shook with him. He was a sight to behold.

"Fair maiden!" he paused. "…Dark maiden! Oh, brown as squelching mud on a **hot **summer day." He sighed, gazing at her admirably. "I just," he began to sing, "wanted to say…I…love you..." The music swelled romantically until it realized that there was no voice accompanying it. The prince hesitated. "You are troubled, my dark lady. Return with me at once to my father's castle where we shall be wed!"

He was really handsome.

The doors burst open. "Father! Mother! I have returned with a bride!"

* * *

Jack Sparrow, as was expected of him, had outrun Magdalena. Her brain was turning abnormally quickly that day, however, and she devised another plan. By a stroke of luck, Magdalena managed to get across the square to Will. She waited, as he was preoccupied.

"Say goodbye!" In a super suave move, Will killed the burly pirate using only a sign and some Matrix moves. He even managed to throw in a one-liner. But he didn't know that.

"Goodbye."

"Hi…Will." Magdalena said as politely as she could. She didn't want to scare him off before she could explain things. He turned, the axe waving wildly inches from her nose.

"My nose!" she cried, smirking at her clever reference. She decided to hook Will in with unexplained knowledge of his lineage, "You're the son of Bootstrap Bill Turner." But Will had been distracted.

"Elizabeth!" Will's heart pounded. He had seen past the head of the stranger to find Elizabeth being dragged away by two imbeciles! How he had longed for her to be the damsel in distress for so long. Will thought he would never live his own damsel in distress moment down. How shameful it was to be rescued by a 10-year-old girl. But now was not the time for wistful dreams. Will stepped forward to rescue Elizabeth, win her love, and marry her, but he was tackled to the ground before he could do so.

"Hey!" He struggled to push the body off of him, but it was too late. Elizabeth had been dragged away. He placed his axe at the throat of his attacker. "You fiend…!"

"I'm not a pirate!" she yelled quickly. "Please take the axe off my neck. I want to talk to you."

Will pulled the axe away and dragged her into an alleyway. "What?"

"The last time we talked Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears."

"What?"

Magdalena laughed at yet another clever reference. "Nothing. I know a way to rescue Elizabeth."

"If it weren't for you, I would have rescued her!" Will puffed out his chest indignantly.

"No! If I hadn't tackled you, you would have been bonked on the head by a pirate with a tin pot."

Just then, yet another pirate ran through the alleyway, stopping where they were. He looked, then smiled bawdily and whistled, pushing Will aside. "Move aside mate, I see you've done all the preparation for me." Magdalena screamed. This was the stuff people went on Oprah for. But she would not get a free car.

The pirate unbuttoned his pants, laughing as he did so. But that was all that he did, because in a fit of chivalry not seen since the days of King Arthur, Will smacked the pirate in the crook of where the back of his neck met his skull.

He slumped to the ground, unconscious.

"What were you saying?"

"Here? With the guy-Okay. Elizabeth's been kidnapped by Barbossa onto the Black Pearl and if you help me I can get you to her. Then you shall win her love and get married!" Magdalena chirped.

Will thought about it. He was suspicious, but if it was the only way to save Elizabeth, he would take it and ask questions later.

* * *

Jack watched the Pearl lurk a few miles off shore. Thinking about her tattered sails and current reputation in the hands of Barbossa made him ache to suddenly gain superhuman powers and defeat all the men aboard. The way he had been crouching behind a wall for the past five minutes and his hunger made him ache as well. _I can't just sneak aboard and start a mutiny, _his thoughts were clear despite intestinal chaos. _Most likely they would shoot me and ask later this time. _He decided to sail to Tortuga first and get his own crew, so he could take back the Pearl in style. That would be a better story than a quiet stealth mutiny, and it would certainly overshadow Barbossa's "been to hell and back" schtick. That would be a tale that would last. Having no time to waste, Jack set out for the dock. From his conversation earlier that day with the two idiot navy officers, he knew that the ship to steal was the Interceptor.

Magdalena and Will rushed through the destruction, Will blazing a path with his axe, a heroic look on his face. Magdalena pulled him in the right directions, ducking her head and quietly screaming. She hoped they would end up at the dock.

As he ran, Will wondered where he had seen this girl's strange attire before. Rough blue trousers…scandalous, but at least her blouse was not as revealing as some of Elizabeth's dresses…he wondered how she put her blouse on, as it had no buttons.

She saw him, hunched under the bridge, just like in the movie. She ran faster, Will flying about behind her, and caught up to Jack Sparrow.

"Hey Jack."

Jack turned, his brow furrowing, his eyeballs growing intense. Then he pretended as if he had not just tried to leave Magdalena behind in spite of their deal and made a total ass of himself. "Oh, hello. Took you a while."

Magdalena leaned in. Jack's head curled down and his shoulder hunched up to his ear as Magdalena moved closer. "I know you tried to ditch me," she whispered. Then louder, she announced that she had some explaining to do.

"No you don't," Jack objected. He wasn't about to lose the Pearl again because he was wasting time listening to a girl who had popped out of a carcass.

Magdalena looked at Will expectantly.

"I want to hear it," he said, "and then I'm leaving. I'm not working with pirates."

"I'm not a pirate!" Magdalena half-screamed. "Yes, you are going to work with us, because there is no other way. Norrington's just going to search Port Royal. He won't launch ships after her; Jack will."

"Captain Jack."

"Sorry. Captain Jack Sparrow will." Jack grinned. No one ever corrected themselves before, they just rolled their eyes and continued their sentences. And maybe her logic was in the right place. In fact, his own plan had just begun to form in his mind. But first he'd have to confirm his suspicions.

"What's your name, lass?"

"Magdalena."

"And I'm Will Turner," Will butt in, just as Jack had hoped he would. And there, Jack knew exactly what he would do to take his Pearl back.

"And I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," he mocked.

"I know. You sacked Nassau Port without firing a shot." Magdalena said, her own plan in motion to convince Jack of her value.

"I am he." What hadn't he heard before?

She leaned in, because Will wasn't meant to hear this so early on, "You made a deal with Davy Jones."

"No I didn't. I've never met the man in my life."

"Yes, you did. Thirteen years." She reminded him.

Suddenly, Will, who had been in his own world for the past minute while trying to eavesdrop on Jack and Magdalena's conversation, lit up.

"The witch! You're dressed like the witch!" He began to back away.

"You're dressed like a eunuch!" She pointed at him mockingly. Will, even more convinced now because how could she have known of his conversation with Jack, started to run. Jack quickly leaped out and pulled him back. He needed leverage. "You mean Sushmita? Yeah, I'm dressed like her because we're both from the same place. Huzzah! We are not witches either!"

Will quieted. "How are we going to rescue Elizabeth? The Black Pearl will leave Port Royal any moment now."

"Unfortunately, we cannot chase after her right this minute."

"You lied to me!" Will pulled out his axe.

"Just wait a bloody minute mate…"

"Oh my god. No. Because three against a gazillion undead pirates won't win, and it would really be two because I can't fight. We need to commandeer the Interceptor."

"Three can't steal a ship either." Will pointed out.

"Commandeer," Jack corrected. "Nautical term. If you're going to be a pirate, might as well talk like one, whelp."

"I'm not going to be a-!"

"Shut up Will! We'll do it by tricking the navy. First we'll commandeer the Dauntless and sail it out as far as we can. The navy will chase after us with the Interceptor. While they search the Interceptor for our poor unfortunate souls," she grinned...reference!, "we'll sneak aboard the Interceptor, which will have been prepared for our journey by his majesty's brilliant navy."

There was silence as each took in the plan.

"I was just thinking the same thing!" Jack was impressed. Here was someone who thought just like him.

"I know."

Will piped up yet again. "How do we know the navy will come after us?"

"They will. Tomorrow we wait for the navy to be up and about, then we create the diversion and we will be off! Jack, uh…Captain Jack, maybe you could return to the jail and Will could rescue you in the morning…"

"Not on your life, mate." They settled in for the night, taking turns at the watch.


	6. Sushmita's Ladder

Disclaimer: I do not own PotC or Enchanted.

AN: Sorry for the delay, thanks for all the comments!

* * *

Jack awoke, sitting up quickly to hide the fact that he had fallen asleep on his watch. He glanced around suspiciously. At least no one had been mauled.

Blink. Magdalena hadn't slept at all. Homesickness and nerves often lead to insomnia for her, and this was as far away from home as one could get. She wasn't even sure why she was here. She sat up, moving stealthily around Will to get to Jack.

"Hello," she squeaked, her voice not quite working in the morning.

"Good morning, love. The whelp's still asleep, eh?"

"Yeah. He's Sleeping Beauty." There was a joke Jack couldn't appreciate. He laughed anyways because it was an insult to Will.

Silence fell again. Jack's face grew troubled. He stared off, contemplating. "How do you know about Davy Jones?"

Magdalena decided the best thing to do was to tell the truth, so that Jack knew he was outsmarted here. She knew his future after all.

"I'm from the future."

He snorted, as was expected. "And what do you see, in the future?" He laughed.

"I don't see the future, I've already seen it." Magdalena huffed, annoyed. "Okay, 'future' was a bad choice of words. Sushmita and I, we're friends. And I don't know why I got pulled in here with her, but she's here because of me. Just…complicated stuff." She didn't need to mention the survey, which would result in an explanation of the Internet and a history lesson. Rather, a future lesson.

Jack didn't seem convinced. Magdalena grew more and more frustrated. "You're going to die," she said. It was the most shocking thing she could think of, and based on "Dead Man's Chest", it was something Jack feared very much. "The Kraken's going to get you, and drag you and the Pearl to Davy Jones's locker."

"That's actually what I was hoping to avoid, love," Jack said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, I know, but you're still going to die. Unless you listen to me…"

Jack squirmed. But he quickly composed himself and demanded more information.

"Not unless you promise this time. Because if you leave me behind you will die for sure." There was a pause. "Do we have an accord then?" She stuck out her hand.

Jack kept the uncertain expression on his face. There was no way he would let Magdalena know how important she had just become to him. She could prevent death, for heaven's sake. After lingering another moment for effect, he shook her hand.

Magdalena turned her attention to Will. There was movement beneath the eyelids. Then he sighed and turned to the other side.

"Will, get up." He pretended not to hear. "Will, you're awake, and it's morning."

"The navy is up and about," Jack added.

Will opened his eyes, squinting in the shadows of the bridge. He stretched a bit too exaggeratedly, and attempted a yawn. This was crazy. He had just spent the night with a witch and a pirate. Will sought comfort in telling himself that it was all for Elizabeth, and that when she heard of his sufferings for her safety, she would love him all the more.

Having all stretched their limbs and cracked their joints, the three established their plan.

"Follow me," Jack said. Will opened his mouth to protest, but Magdalena shut him up with her angry Asian face. They crawled under a boat and waited.

_Why are we under a boat? _Will wondered. _My thighs ache. I'm hungry. _They continued to wait.

_What if my added weight makes the boat go crazy? I'm not strong enough to pull it down. God, Will keeps fidgeting. _Magdalena kicked behind, and Will grunted.

_The whelp just won't shut up, will he? Alright Jack, review the plan. Intercept the Interceptor using that fancy plan of Magdalena's, sail to Tortuga, find Gibbs, convince him that you are not crazy, you have leverage mate…get a __**loyal**__ crew, then go find Barbossa. After that…you can figure it out later. The journey to Tortuga will give you time.. _

"Let's go," Will whispered desperately. His legs had fallen completely asleep. She wouldn't admit it, but Magdalena's had as well.

Fortunately for Will, he did not have to wait long. Marching and jiggling bayonets passed by, and then there was quiet. The boat slipped stealthily into the water.

They trudged about for a while, not being able to see exactly where they were going.

"This is either madness, or brilliance." Will said. His feet failed to coordinate. Magdalena kept bobbing up and bumping her head on the roof of their little "air bubble". Jack turned several times to glare at them, annoyed.

It was at this convenient time that Will's foot decided to step into a lobster trap. Will looked down, trying to hide his mistake with stealth. In his concentration, he was unaware that the line pulled the buoy above the water.

Magdalena looked down. It was unbelievable how they kept the bubble of air, even though she had learned the science behind this in third grade. She spotted the lobster trap dragging along and the slippered foot inside it. "Jack, we need to stop for a minute."

"What?" Jack whipped his head around, the beads slapping Magdalena in the face.

"Ow!" unable to resist, she removed her right hand from the edges of the boat and rubbed her reddening cheek. The boat floated upwards a bit more. Everyone looked up, surprised that Magdalena had been helping in pulling the boat down at all. "Will's foot is caught in a lobster trap. I'm going to go down and pull it out."

Jack looked up again, exasperated. "Fine," he huffed. "Make it quick."

Magdalena dove down, kicking to propel herself downwards and kicking both men in the process. Muffled grunts came from above. She tried to keep her eyes open, but the saltwater stung. She grabbed hold of Will's foot and tried to pry it out. She couldn't. As a last resort, she gave a kung-fu chop to the wood, her movements slowed down by the water. Amazingly, the trap broke and Will was free. Magdalena swam back up, rubbing her eyes as Jack and Will patiently waited.

Magdalena paused for a minute and set her hands on the sides of the boat again, "Onvards!" Both men turned around again to stare, Jack a little more gingerly this time, questioning their choice to follow her.

They managed to get to the hull of the Dauntless, pushing the little boat away from their heads and gazing up at the massive behind of the great navy ship. They grabbed hold of it somehow, and began the climb upwards. It was the most athletic thing Magdalena had ever done.

* * *

As soon as Prince Benevolent's words were proclaimed and echoed through the castle hall, a musical montage began in which all the maids of the castle cleaned, all the maidens picked out their dresses and various types of blenders for the new couple, all the mothers primped their daughters in last attempts to catch the prince's eye before he got hitched, and all the woodland animals pranced delightfully.

But Sushmita had yet to go before the king and queen for approval. She would, after all, be queen of the land and the current queen especially wanted to ensure the continuation of her doily collection. Benevolent's sister, Princess Miyagarisha stepped in and offered to help Sushmita find proper attire.

"We'll have you fixed up in no time," Princess Miyagarisha exclaimed.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing now?" Sushmita asked timidly. Miyagarisha seemed very excited.

"That's not at all what a future queen should wear. Why, we can even see where your right leg meets your left leg! Silly, trousers should be left to men." Everything Miyagarisha said was sugar sweet and happy, her voice trilled to the corners of the room. Her dress shimmered like a pale man in a field. It was pink and spread out behind her at least ten feet. Ribbons, orange roses, and doilies dotted the luminous fabric. What was most striking, however, was her face.

When Miyagarisha had been born, her parents had invited all the fairies to her christening, as was customary. In order to outdo the other princesses' christenings (there had been a baby princess boom that year), Miyagarisha's parents had invited every single fairy, including Stumpy.

Stumpy was not a bad fairy; it was only that she resembled a troll doll. But Stumpy had many talents, such as gymnastics, cooking, and her poetic grasp of language. Stumpy could create a metaphor out of anything and make it sound like the words of the gods.

At Miyagarisha's christening, Stumpy had been so grateful of her invitation that she had insisted on blessing Miyagarisha first. And so, Stumpy tiptoed over the cradle and uttered her poetic words. Suspenseful music had played, as appropriate. "Your visage will be so radiant as to be a light among men." And all the people had oohed and aahed at the beauty of her words. Stumpy too, had been pleased with herself for not allowing the child to live with the curse of ugliness like her own. Until the child's face lit up.

And so it was that Miyagarisha had a lightbulb for a face.

She hadn't received any other blessings after that, which made life difficult. Miyagarisha couldn't summon animals with a song or sing at all for that matter. She had no friends except for Belle, and only because Belle secretly had a thing for hanging out with inferior people. But now Belle had found love, and after she had forced the prince to turn back into a beast, they were living quite happily ever after.

Miyagarisha was glad to have a new friend in Sushmita. Pulling out petticoats and corsets, she laid them all out and flung open her wardrobe cabinets. She had to do this manually, because of her lack of magical powers. Sushmita waited. Her feet hurt after a few hours, so she sat on the bed, fingering the whalebone corset in thought, and then horror.

"This is a dead whale. I'm not wearing this. I refuse to wear this." She said, with conviction. After determining that Sushmita's voluptuous curves would not fit inside any undergarments of the day, Miyagarisha gave up trying to stuff Sushmita into a petticoat.

"Try this," Miyagarisha offered a silkier than silk blue silk dress to Sushmita, draped beautifully on her arms. Sushmita tried it on, but it ripped at the hips. Tears came to her eyes once again, her mind wondering why her hormones kept overreacting. Finally, Magdalena decided to give Sushmita one of her dresses with a bustle. Sushmita put it on without the bustle and it fit. Taking a deep breath, she followed Magdalena's lead to the great throne room.

"She must prove her lineage, regardless of your love for one another," King Dwight proclaimed. Proclamation had recently become popular ever since the men of the land had seen how it made the women swoon for King Edward of Andalasia. He had toned it down a bit since the birth of his firstborn Prince Pilot. It made the baby prince cry.

"Why don't we do what they did with Princess Acacia?" Queen Amarylis suggested. Having no clue what they had done with Princess Acacia, Prince Benevolent and King Dwight quickly agreed.

The queen quickly arranged for Sushmita's bed to be made. Meanwhile there was much feasting and drinking. Prince Benevolent sank his teeth heartily into his roasted swan thigh. Sushmita politely looked away, choosing instead to study the intricate embroidery of the tablecloth.

An exclamation arose when the great doors to the kitchen opened and the cook emerged, a little man with a plate teeming with fish balanced precariously on his right hand. He walked over to the main table, where he bowed and introduced his newest culinary delight to the royal family. "Your majesties, milady," he bowed again, the platter still balanced with incredible precision. "May I present the dish that will sweep all other dishes away: Swedish fish."

The rest of the people in the hall clapped delightedly because although they could not hear the conversation, they sensed it was over and they were hungry. The cook proudly scooped two fish onto each plate. "Milady?" he offered Sushmita.

"No thank you. I don't eat meat of any kind." The cook moved on, but his shoulders sagged just a bit for the rest of the night. The orchestra began to play. Everyone got up, as it was not fashionable to sit out on the waltz unless you were the king and queen. Sushmita however, remained in her seat. Prince Benevolent saw this and sensed royalty in her behavior. He smiled. She would pass whatever test his mother had planned and join him as his wife and queen.

"Milady? May have this dance?" He asked in dulcet tones, stretching out his right hand and pulling her chair back with the other, expecting her to stand up. Sushmita promptly fell on her behind on the cold marble floor. The prince frowned. This was not royal behavior. She quickly scrambled to her feet, her hands shrinking into her armpits in insecurity.

"I don't dance," she said with conviction.

"I know you can," the prince offered encouragingly, "All ladies dance." He dragged her somewhat forcefully to the dance floor. Then he brought her close, "Put your right hand in mine, and your left on my shoulder," he whispered. Sushmita did so, a little bit freaked out, yet glad that Benevolent was helping her out. They began to move, her large dress hiding her many errors, and Benevolent struggling to keep a poker face whenever she stepped on his foot.

Sushmita started to relax. It was comforting to know she had people who cared for her here. Not like in the world of Pirates of the Caribbean where she was to be burned at the stake.

They danced closer and closer, no longer bumping into each other's feet. The music swelled, and Sushmita got swept into the moment. The warmth of the prince's chest, his firm grip, his beautiful locks, and his magnificently chiseled face. They gazed into each others eyes, miraculously not bumping into other couples.

Finally the celebrations finished and it was time for the people to depart to their bedchambers, stables, and cottages. Sushmita was led away to her special bedchamber, stealing last glances at Benevolent.

The only thing in the room was a bed piled high with mattresses. Sushmita craned her head high to see the top. "Um…I don't really need so many mattresses…"

"No, no, Her Majesty insists." The maid brought out a tall ladder and placed it against the mattresses.

"Won't it lean over?"

"Don't worry about it, Milady." She gestured for Sushmita to begin climbing. Shaking, Sushmita took the first step.

"Live a little, live a little." Her friends chanted.

She climbed to the beat of their chanting until she reached the top and climbed under the covers. The lights dimmed, and she was left to her slumber.


	7. I Can Hear the Bells

Disclaimer: I don't own PotC. But I finally own a PotC 3 DVD. Very late, yes, but huzzah.

Thanks for the reviews. Sorry it took me so long but time kind of went stealthy on me. Plus I got caught up with my first fanvideo.

* * *

"Everyone stay calm, we are taking over the ship." Gillette looked up, stunned. A pirate takeover? How unfortunate! His mind raced for a solution to this infestation.

"Aye, avast!" Gillette stopped once more, but he quickly recovered this time. This was no pirate takeover, he sighed. It was only a sorry attempt by Sparrow and the moony blacksmith's apprentice to commandeer a ship of His Majesty's Royal Navy! And he, Gillette, would such atrocities to occur. He and his worthy men laughed in the face of bilge rats like these.

Gillette stepped forward to deliver a clever bone-shaking address that would scare these infidels off his ship, but he was interrupted by a thud and a grunt. Magdalena had finally lugged her body over the railing of the Interceptor. Gillette smiled. He had found his monologue. "This ship cannot be crewed by two men and a woman. You'll never make it out of the bay." Jack wanted to punch his smug little face through to the back of his head.

"She's not just a woman, she's a witch." Will protested, hoping to scare the navy men with superstition. Before he could do anymore damage, however, Magdalena leaped down the stairs to cover his mouth. She tripped on the fourth stair and tackled Will to the ground. In a moment of panic, Will bit off Magdalena's left ring finger. She screamed as the blood gushed out. Black speckles began to dot her vision.

Oh yes, Gillette mused, he would string up these sorry men and woman, and return to Port Royal a hero, paving the way to a position as Admiral.

But a pistol clicked in his face, "Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." Gillette knew his dreams had just slipped away. He and his men were herded into a small boat and cast off towards the harbor.

"Hurry, Commodore Norrington will catch up to us soon," Will urged. He bent to examine Magdalena's hand, which she clutched in pain. On the floor between them was the finger Will had spit out.

"At least it's not my right hand," she managed to say through gritted teeth.

Jack looked over, "Pick up the finger, you may be able to sew it back on later." With hope, disgust, and disbelief in her eyes, Magdalena gingerly picked up her finger. "Young master Turner, come with me. We must prepare to set sail."

Jack and Will headed to the bow of the ship, where they attempted to lower the sails. Jack flailed his arms as wildly as he could, hoping to give the Commodore the impression that they didn't know what they were doing. Will followed, not playacting in any way.

"Don't stop pulling on those ropes, like so," Jack flailed his arms extra wildly for effect, "but listen to me while you do so. When the good Commodore and the 'fastest ship in the Caribbean' pull up beside us, we'll swing over and be on our way."

"Search every hold, down to the bilges!" Norrington commanded, liking his new authoritative voice. His soldiers swarmed through the ship like disturbed ants. They would not miss anyone that seemed out of place.

At the bow of the ship, Jack wrapped a rope around Magdalena's left wrist. "Hold on tight," he reminded her. Then he and Will both grabbed hold of two more ropes and got ready to swing across to the Interceptor. Jack turned to look at Magdalena. "At your signal love."

"Ready, set, go." She said, and bracing herself from the sudden shock of pain in her left arm, landed with a thud on the deck of the Interceptor. Will quickly chopped off all ties to the Dauntless and with Jack at the wheel, they sailed away from Port Royal and towards almost certain death.

"I thank you, commodore, for getting us ready to make way. We would have had a hard time of it by ourselves," Jack waved his hat courteously at the stunned navy, driving the point home.

* * *

Prince Benevolent paced outside Sushmita's chamber doors, sick with worry. Would she pass the test?

Klomp. What was that sound? Benevolent jumped, his hands on his mouth, so, so, anxious and yet not able to check whether his love was all right because of the rules of chivalry.

"La da da dum dum dee dee da…" Betsy, Benevolent's old wet nurse, hummed as she went about emptying bedpans.

"Betsy! Oh, sweet blessed wet nurse. Prithee go in and check on my love?"

Betsy decided that she should because otherwise she would face certain execution for neglecting the crown prince's needs, and so she pushed open the doors with Benevolent peering in over her shoulders.

Sushmita sat in the pile of mattresses, her hair attractively disheveled. In her hands there was a tiny green speck. She had found a pea underneath all the layers of mattresses.

Benevolent jumped for joy. "Oh! You've done it my love. You've passed the test!" He ran to kiss her but stopped himself before he did anything scandalous, like entering her room.

They were to be married, of course. Sushmita had been deemed a princess and although the exact facts of how she discovered the pea were mysterious, she had found it in the end.

Preparations had been prepared since Benevolent had been born, and with the exception of the dress, everything was suitable and ready. Benevolent's future bride had been expected to be a bit slighter, but it was all right because room for curves was quickly added.

All the wealthy of the land were gathered in the small cathedral to create a homely look. Benevolent smiled. It was as if he was not the prince. For now, he was simply a man about to marry his love in an ornate cathedral with his rich subjects watching.

The national organist began the wedding march. He had his favorite boots on and they made a wonderful sound as he marched his way down the aisle. Thump, thump, thu-duh-dump. He turned, bowed at the congregation, and then began to play.

The doors swung open, little robins flying about with ribbons in their beaks, and Sushmita gracefully made her entrance. Demure as ever, she walked down the aisle, but halfway there she could contain herself no longer.

Throwing a knowing gaze at the prince, she prepared herself for song. "When I first saw you…"


	8. The Bermuda Polygon

Author's Note: Sorry I've been avay, mein readers, if any of you are left. I was trying to speed up the story and get through a lot of plot in one chapter, but finally gave in and published what I have so far. Thanks to anyone who's still around, I'll do my best to come up with chapter 9.

Disclaimer: PotC and all characters except for Sushmita and Magdalena belong to Disney.

Sushmita had returned. So now she wasn't the only girl, Magdalena thought. That was comforting, but somehow if felt like Sushmita had disrupted the peace. Since her return, Magdalena had been relegated to being Sushmita's caretaker, and had no say in any plans. She didn't have a clue how close to Tortuga they were.

Will quietly opened the door. Sushmita was fast asleep in Jack's bed and Magdalena sat in an armchair idly examining her stub of a finger. How does she stomach looking at her mangled appendages? He thought. Over the days Will had begun to think that Magdalena maybe wasn't a witch after all. But seeing the way she rolled that finger around like a marble…definitely a witch, he decided, and caring for her fellow hag. He had forgotten that it had been he who had insisted on Magdalena staying with Sushmita because something about the darker witch attracted his pity. He didn't really think she was a hag, if he asked himself truthfully. Her flowing curves, long, dark, straight hair that turned curly when wet or in humid environments; she was like a top – a beautiful, beautiful toy. But he would never treat her like a toy, no…he would…

Eight years of previously undefeated affection for Elizabeth drained away. Will had fallen in love all over again.

"Oh. Hi Will." The lighter witch had picked up her finger and was rolling it between her other fingers. She was staring at him, her eyes wide with fear and confusion. Lies. He bet she was reading his mind right this second. She was extremely pale, with dark eyes and hair. She and…Sushmita – what a beautiful name…contrasted one another. He couldn't imagine kissing Magdalena, though. Looking deep into her eyes while the paleness of her face lit everything up around them – why it was like analyzing a blank canvas with only eyes painted on it.

His eyes refocused onto her and lost their glaze. "Jack wants you on deck."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Well, someone has to stay here with Sushmita," she protested, clearly not liking the idea of going on deck in the cold night. Will almost offered, but held back. It was his duty to rescue Elizabeth, even if his love for her had just been surpassed by something greater. "Why don't you..." Yesyesyesyesyes, Will willed the witch to read his mind just once. "…stay here with her?" she finished.

"I guess…if you must go…"

She looked at him with exasperation. "You just said I didn't have to!"

He sighed. "Very well. I'll take care of your witch friend," he agreed a bit too quickly.

Magdalena waited for her eyes to adjust before she walked over to Jack at the helm.

"You summoned me?"

"Aye. I thought you might like to see Tortuga at night. From a distance. She's a beauty."

Magdalena looked far into the blackness. Slowly she could make out a huge wall of rock – the island of Tortuga. She remembered that it was in the shape of a skull, but she couldn't see that from this angle. After a few minutes, they sailed into the cove and the lights of the town glittered in the night. Loud ruckus could be heard even from such a distance.

"It is pretty," she agreed.

"It's disgusting," Sushmita, who had been led by Will on deck once she had awoken, obviously had noticed the stench above everything else. "Why does it smell like pee?"

"Because this is the 17th century, Sushmita," Magdalena reminded her.

Jack seemed unsatisfied with the word "disgusting" being labeled upon one of his favorite places in the world. Definitely not heaven on Earth, but almost as enjoyable. "You can't look at her that way, mate. See the life there? See the chaos? It's beautiful. Who wants stuffy old order in their life?"

"I do!" Sushmita raised her hands. Magdalena rolled her eyes. Here was a fine example of Sushmita's supposed cleverness.

Tortuga loomed closer and closer, until the stench was unbearable and Sushmita vomited. After a good hour of waiting for a spot in the port – Tortuga was a popular place – and arguing with the harbormaster over the fee, they had landed and were now setting foot on land for the first time in several days. Sushmita and Magdalena wobbled a bit, so Will ran over and supported Sushmita, leaving Magdalena unsteadily in the dust.

A good five minutes was all it took for her to recover and to grow accustomed to the unique odor of the island, however, and she was soon racing ahead to where Jack was enjoying the sights and sounds. "…More importantly, it is indeed a sad life that has never breathed deep the sweet proliferous bouquet that is Tortuga, savvy?" He glanced at Will, who had caught up, dragging Sushmita as lovingly as he could. She was still hobbling about. "What do you think?"

Will, who had been immersed in his gentlemanly task, looked up and around at the wrong time. A woman held a peep show beneath her dress. Everywhere, men with scraggly beards drowned themselves in alcoholic merriment. "It'll linger," Will finally replied. How cleverly ambiguous that response was, he thought to himself. Good going, William. Just think of how impressed Sushmita must be.

Jack remained unperturbed. "I'll tell you mate, if every town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted." Magdalena, who had been keeping an eye out for a certain redhead, spotted Scarlett in the distance. She said nothing, only silently willed Scarlett to turn around by using an intense angry stare. She did.

"Scarlett!" Jack's face lit up. He grinned widely, making himself look more like a chipmunk than a man happy to see someone.

Scarlett waddled over. She planted a big slap on his cheek. "Not sure I deserved that." He muttered, confused but not surprised. For Jack Sparrow, slaps were an everyday occurrence. He sometimes wondered to himself whether there was some higher power up above playing a cruel recurring joke on him. He could hear God laughing above and would have given him a piece of mind except that another came waddling up next.

Jack barely had time to remember her name, "Giselle!" but was not rewarded for his quick memory.

"Who was she?" She tilted her head in Scarlett's direction. "And she?" She gave Magdalena a look that would have rivaled the intense angry stare. Sushmita she ignored, seeing as she was still struggling not to fall down in the mud.

Giselle stalked off before Jack could reply. He shook it off easily and they quickly continued their quest. "You there, with the ability to see the future," Jack turned to Magdalena, "Where is Mr. Gibbs?"

"Oh, oh!" Sushmita wobbled violently, "He's in the pig thing with the mud." Magdalena glared. Jack stopped swaying.

"You can see the future too?" This was an interesting turn of events. Sushmita was more easily manipulated than Magdalena. Jack got the feeling that Magdalena had plans to withhold information and change events, but Sushmita had no plots whatsoever.

"She can…" Will breathed in awe.

Nonetheless, they followed Sushmita's instruction and visited various pigpens, looking for a sleeping old man with extreme muttonchops.

"I see him!" Magdalena cried. "That's the one."

They crowded around and listened to him snore. Jack poured a bucket of cold water over Mr. Gibbs's body, and he spluttered to life, staring up in disbelief.

"Jack." He breathed. Jack bent down and muttered something to Mr. Gibbs, which made him brighten up, saying "Aye, that'll about do it."

Sushmita gagged a little. Will noticed this and grabbed a nearby bucket of water,

"Blast I'm already awake!"

They stared with inquiring expressions. "It was for-" _my love_ "-the smell."

Mr. Gibbs recommended that they drink at The Faithful Bride, where it was certain that Jack would not run into any other disgruntled women. Jack and Gibbs slid into a booth, leaving Will, Sushmita, and Magdalena to keep watch.

But Magdalena would not settle for being a watchdog. She slid into the booth beside Jack, leaning in and saying, "You should be honored to have me on your side." Gibbs looked at Jack, puzzled. Jack shrugged; there was no way out of it, the woman knew some of his darkest secrets. Secrets he had tried to cover up with those ridiculous stories. "Imagine if I had fallen into Barbossa's lap instead?"

Jack grimaced, "Love, you would not want to be there." He sighed. "Gibbs, I have a proposition to make."

"Aye," Gibbs leaned in even closer excitedly. Magdalena told herself to buy him some toothpaste and leaned away. Jack didn't smell much better though, and when he opened his mouth it smelled like a donkey's ass. Magdalena had no choice but to grin and bear it.

"Why are you grinning?" Jack asked.

"Because your breath smells like a donkey's ass."

"How do you know what a donkey's ass smells like?"

"How are we getting the Pearl back?"

"Shh!" Gibbs glanced around suspiciously. "What about it, missie?"

"For one, Gibbs, before you doubt us you must know that we have leverage."

"Leverage?"

Jack nodded and diverted his eyes to William, hoping Gibbs would take the hint, but Gibb's brain wasn't made for such intellectual activity. Jack moved his head toward Will, making hint-like noises all the while.

"To the left, to the left…" Magdalena sang.

Gibbs' face lit up, "The whelp?"

Jack nodded approvingly, "That is the son of Bootstrap Bill Turner. His only son, savvy?" He could barely contain the glint in his eyes. He was this close to regaining the Pearl and killing that mutinous bastard Barbossa once and for all.


End file.
